Homemade Beanie Wienie Chili Pizza

Why homemade beanie wienie chili pizza?  Be honest, would you really want it any other way?  A coincidental cousin to last night’s chili barbequed wiener coins, it is the direct result of a failure to visit the grocer’s.  Food-wise, there was not much left in the kitchen.  It was either cook up the hot dogs or use the misfit carton of “extra firm” tofu that is stands in utter solitude, festering in a dark corner of the cabinet.  Terrified yet steadfastly astute, I have resolved not to let my hand pass anywhere close to the tofu’s realm.  There may not be any actual danger but it would at least be, you know, ICKY.


Here’s the preemptive note on baking times. I’m wholly unsure of the timing as it pertains to the baking of the pizza crust and pizza.  Here’s my lame-ass excuse.  I was joyfully puttering about the kitchen jamming out to Alice in Chains with Pre when the Pirate returned from track practice and handed me a note.  I read carefully.  I always read carefully, except when I don’t.  According to the dictum, there is a marathon to be held next month.  Whoa, a marathon.  What a terrific means by which to induce leg cramps, nausea, and blood blisters.  An awed smile swept across my face as I began to stare wistfully in the distance- envisioning the race, imagining the mileage-induced agony, forgetting totally about the pizza crust I had placed in the oven only three, twelve, eight? minutes earlier.  Thankfully I recovered in time to toss on some cheese and the wienie stuff and then place the pizza in the oven.  Curiosity then seized me like a donut in a mall cop’s hand.  I should, nay I MUST, go to the computer and look up the race information. Yeah, that’s the stuff.  More running and paying money to do the running.  A shirt?  Yes! I could add it to the 50 other race shirts I have jammed in my dresser.  Finisher’s medal?  You bet!  This one would find itself with one of three destinies 1) I could give it to someone (most of the medals are resigned to this fate.)  2) I could lose it.  Yeah, it happens.  I’d lose my toes if they weren’t somehow attached to my feet. 3) I’d throw it under the bed.  I’m not sure what’s under there but there may be up to three marathon finisher’s medals duking it out with the dust bunnies and the creepy spiders as I fitfully sleep.

Course maps, previous results, pacing teams- I looked at it all and then remembered the pizza.




1 can (15oz) pork and beans

8 oz hot dogs, cut into coins

1 T chili powder

2 T chopped, rehydrated chipotle peppers

½ C vegetable juice

½ C diced onion

3 cloves garlic, smashed


1 envelope (6.5 oz) Better Crocker Pizza Crust

Cubed or shredded cheese




  1. Add ingredients sans crust and cheese to a pan and mix.
  2. Simmer on low for 1.25 hours. During the first 45 minutes, simmer covered. Remove the cover for the final 30 minutes.
  3. Prepare the crust according to package directions.
  4. Spread crust into a brownie pan.
  5. Bake crust in a preheated oven at 425F for something like 10 minutes* or until the crust is essentially cooked.
  6. Top the crust with cheese (enough to sparsely cover the once barren landscape of pizza crust.
  7. Top the cheese with the beanie wienie chili mix.
  8. Bake for something like 10 minutes.*

* See note on timing (or absence of timing) above.

Homemade Beanie Wienie Chili Pizza

Homemade Beanie Wienie Chili Pizza



Tasting Notes:


Nope, I didn’t burn it. This is good, as this marathon doesn’t look like it’d be worth burning a pizza for or the ~90 buck registration fee for that matter.


What a difference a day makes.  So loved was yesterday’s hot dog chili, so revered was its wholesome goodness, that I surmised that I was bulletproof.  Throw some hot dogs and chili seasoning on a pizza crust and the Involuntary Taste Panel will love it and think I’m smart and understand my inner frankfurter beauty.  Wrong.  To a member, they hated this chili.  I can’t understand why.  It was good.  It tasted like what you’d expect for hot dogs, beans, cheese, and pizza crust.  I ate half the pizza and enjoyed it.  While I was out grocery shopping, the ITP threw the other half away.

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