The ITP requested a barley chili. While barley makes me think of winter and hearty cream-based soups, it doesn’t elicit images of sun-splashed 90 degree summer days. Something seems a touch out of place. Anachronisms abound in our household, but many are more subtle than barley in July. I hope this goes better than my interview with The Pirate.
½ C barley
½ C black Rice
3 C water
1 T chili powder
1 t soup base
1 t paprika
1 t garlic powder
1 t cumin
1 C chopped celery
1 C chopped carrots
½ C chopped onion
Finely chopped peanuts
- Add all (except peanuts) to a pot and set to boil.
- After chili reaches a boil, turn down heat and allow to simmer for 1 hour.
- To serve, heap chili into a bowl and top with peanuts.
Chili365: Good afternoon Pirate. Nice of you to agree to sit for this interview. It’s now been 203 days of chili and we have much to discuss.
The Pirate: What’d you say? I’m having a hard time hearing you over that whirring saw blade. Why am I chained to this log anyway?
Chili 365: I think it was Ben Franklin who said “An ounce of prevention weighs 28.5 grams.”
The Pirate: No, I think you’ve wrong. It was Charlton Heston during one of his more well-informed pro-NRA speeches. But we’re just quibbling now. Could you please just turn off the saw?
Chili365: I guess I could, but it does provide a certain ambiance, don’t you think?
The Pirate: Sure, and Abba has written some of the world’s most thought-provoking and poignant music. Turn off the saw.
Chili365: Alrighty. There. It’s off. Here’s your first question. What was your favorite chili?
The Pirate: The crab sauce chili, though it pains me that you bastardized my favorite meal of all time.
Chili365: All’s fair in chili and war.
What was your least favorite chili?
The Pirate: The gravy chili was pretty crappy, Howard.
Chili365: Howard? Who’s Howard?
The Pirate: Howard the Duck, you may have seen the hit movie. It was easily Lea Thompson’s best work.
Chili365: I see you set the bar startlingly low. Does this set of pathetically low expectations help when it comes time to rate the daily chili?
The Pirate: It’s probably just a proximity thing, but I guess I hold you to higher account than Lea Thompson.
Chili365: Well, that hardly seems fair.
Next question- Could chili save the world?
The Pirate: Depends on the chili.
Chili365: Could you elaborate?
The Pirate Why don’t you go ask the “Stealth Bomber”?
Chili365: What has been the highlight of the year?
The Pirate: The one to two meals each day that weren’t chili.
Chili365: What are you looking for with regard to the remainder of the year?
The Pirate: More fruity chili.
Chili365: Village People fruity?
The Pirate: Nope.
Chili365: What are your predictions for the remaining 160ish days?
The Pirate: Well, your chili will get better or it will get worse.
Chili365: Whoa, that’s cosmically deep.
What kind of animal would serve as a totem for chili?
The Pirate: All the edible farm animals.
Chili365: Any advice for the chili lovers out there?
The Pirate: I like to think of the sign which adorns the window at my favorite filling station, “Eat here and get gas.”
The side salad that Chili Jr prepared far exceeded the chili in quality and flavor. As they sampled tonight’s utterly flavorless and curiously dark-hued chili, the ITP looked around in awe. When The Pirate was finally able to gather herself enough to speak she uttered “What, just what the hell did you do here?” Her brow furled tightly, desperately seeking some explanation for the abomination lying before her.
Truthly, I know not. Not with any certainty at least. I do, however, feel confident that I have developed the fabled “Flavor Black Hole.” The string theory explains this phenomenon quite well. If you’re interested, I suggest you forego asking me and just read up on it. What’s really important is this: My Barley and Black Rice Chili is magically endowed with the ability to cancel any flavor. Imagine the possibilities.