I found an orphaned box of vegetarian burgers in the freezer. With highly processed “environmentally friendly” vegetarian patties in hand, I feel a haiku coming on.
tucked behind roast beef
frozen lost eternity
become my chili
– 2 T olive oil
– 1 Box (10oz) of Boca brand soy patties
– 1 Can of Light Red Kidney Beans, drained
– ½ C pickled cactus, diced
– 2 C vegetable juice
– ¼ C sweet pickle relish
– 2 T chili powder
– 1 t cumin
– 2 t Mexican oregano
– 1 t Bavarian seasoning
– 2 t Sriracha sauce
– 2 C cooked macaroni noodles
– ½ C chopped green onions
– Carefully remove soy patties from the box, as you don’t want to arouse any suspicion from the Involuntary Taste Panel. If they become nervous or fear they are “cornered” by unusual food offerings, they just may attack.
– Chop the patties into small cubes.
– Heat oil in a pot and brown (or at least make “less gray”) the patty pieces.
– Add beans, cactus, vegetable juice, relish, seasonings, and Sriracha sauce.
– Bring to boil then simmer on low for 30 minutes.
– Add cooked macaroni and green onions.
– Simmer for 2 additional minutes.
I wish there was a cute story behind the presence of non-meat patties in our freezer. Truth is, their provenance is entirely unknown to me. My two best guesses are as follows 1) they had committed some grave atrocity for which they had (as yet) gone unpunished. Basically, they were on the lam and hiding out in our freezer. 2) Someone left them behind after one of our epic, homebrew-stoked cookouts. Well, whatever the case, it’s all chili now. Unexpectedly, we all found the chili very pleasing, even with the presence of “potentially fugitive” processed soy patties. As evidence of our new-found joy, there were several occasions during the meal when something to the effect of “Wow, I can’t believe it, but this tastes really good” was uttered.
Warm bowl heaping, sublime, hip
Soy patty chili