Braunschweiger is a German delicacy, of sorts. Made from liver, pork jowls, miscellaneous trimmings, and bacon ends, it is one sausage that is truly spreadable and marginally edible. Smear it on bread with coarse-ground mustard and chase with a Meister Brau and you have yourself a hearty breakfast, Bubba. I set out to manufacture a chili “mock” braunschweiger as a contingency- on the “in case” you can’t score the real deal. Why would anyone be forced to resort to mock braunschweiger when the perfectly “good” real version is so readily attainable? It can (and sadly does) happen. Fear not, no one backslides into this bleak predicament without warning. If one or more of the following scenarios represent you- it’s time to prepare for the wurst (or paucity thereof):
-You continue to purchase stock in Enron
-You spend countless hours silently debating the “less filling, tastes great” conundrum
-You haven’t missed a minute of “Dancing with the Stars”
-You are dating a female praying mantis
-You are contemplating the purchase of Sno Shoe Grog.
Recipe (for your protection):
2 hot dogs, chopped fine
1/3 C diced onion
1 T chili powder
½ t garlic powder
1 C refried beans
10 drops of hot sauce
Add hotdogs, onion, and seasonings to frying pan and fry well.
Add beans and hot sauce, mix well and heat through.
Serve on bread with mustard and red onion (classic) or on bread with cream cheese (neo-classic)
The ITP won’t eat real braunschweiger but they ate the chili version. The senior member of the ITP even grabbed a second sandwich. My thoughts- though it lacked the piquant ferric notes present is genuine braunschweiger, the mock version had chili and that is what counts.
I finally finished the ex-girlfriend chili. 9 bowls. 9 flippin bowls. I may never be the same. Now that she’s gone, it’s time to burn her stuff. Change my phone number, and forget about her.
A timely warning:
A word of warning- Last night’s venture into vegetarian chili had an unintended consequence. I nearly froze to death as the bed sheets had floated off, whisked abroad on a cushion of foul-smelling air. Be warned.