The benefits of chili are numerous. The focus of today’s dissertation will be on chili as a (nearly) unbeatable energy source. Chili’s benefits to the energy-starved populace (especially those of us who run for sport) go well beyond those of regular food. Primarily, chili provides the cellular energy that allows muscles to expand and contract. Secondarily, chili provides compressed air for extra jet propulsion, allowing the runner blast past the competition. Incidentally, the jet propulsion appears to also function as an invisible force field, rendering other runners unable (or perhaps unwilling?) to catch the chili-fueled runner from behind. Too good to be true? Not at all. I present as evidence a rigorous scientific study that I recently performed. The experiment itself was back-to-back 5K-10K races that I had run both in 2013 and in (the year of our chili) 2014. I was able to carefully control all variables by precisely duplicating the weather, race registrants, and training regimens. The lone difference between 2013 and 2014 was chili consumption. For me, way, way up this year. The results speak for themselves.
2013: 5K-third place, 10K-tenth place
2014: 5K-first place, 10K-third place
With exactly two data points, the conclusion is robust, positively iron clad. EAT CHILI. Look for the write up in Nature some time later this year.
To celebrate chili’s profound performance enhancing prowess, tonight we made one giant chili roll.
One loaf (1 pound) frozen bread dough, thawed
1 pound pork sausage
1 ½ C Fresh mushrooms
1 t cumin
2 T chili powder
2 T prepared yellow mustard
2 T red onions, finely chopped.
Brown pork sausage, drain fat.
Add mushrooms, cumin, chili powder, mustard and cook until mushrooms are brown and slightly shrunken.
Allow sausage chili mix to cool.
Roll out bread dough and place the sausage chili mix on rolled-out dough. Top with onions.
Roll the dough into the shape of a large wiener.
Bake in preheated oven at 350F 20-25 minutes.
Note- It is possible that not all of the filling will fit into the bread roll. That’s okay, what remains can be used as a mid-race “power-up” or as an ointment for sore muscles. *Legal particulars– Pregnant women and children should consult their physician before topical use*
Tasting notes- The most junior member of the ITP helped me produce this gourmet tour de force. Knowing this, the remaining members of the ITP, predictably, gave it generously high marks. The phrase “one of my favorites” leaked out. I thought it tasty, but adding 1/4C of barbeque sauce would have taken this dish to the next level- that is a certainty. One question, however, remains. How long until the IOC bans chili as a performance enhancer?